she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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