I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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