:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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