Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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