He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
