Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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