she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
