You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
