My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
