And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My life is pants optional.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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