I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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