My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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