I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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