i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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