i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
