Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
