Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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