thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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