how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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