im drinking this country out of the recession.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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