I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
