He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
