the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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