i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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