arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
