you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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