you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
be right there i have to get my cape
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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