I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
