Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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