Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
