I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
