I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
