OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
