I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
