Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
