We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
