when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
