turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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