so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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