I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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