she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
