yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Damn victory sex feels great
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