come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
