this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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