im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
