Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
