I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
