My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize