so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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