Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
