dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
