why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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