oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize