So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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