is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
