Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize