So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
