my mouth tastes like poor choices
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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