I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
