I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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