So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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