it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How's work?
Spinning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
