we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
