If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
