Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
