I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
