Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
