Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
