Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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