Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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